#neveralone

    As yesterday was February 14th, my facebook and instagram were filled with romantic posts of flowers and chocolates. Valentine's Day is one of my favorite days because I love surprising people, and I love being surprised. I have so many people in my life that I love. It's nice to get a chance to show it. I do not have a boyfriend, and while my dad got me flowers (yeah, he's pretty great!), I always feel just a little left out. With that prompt, I give you Valentine's Day from where I stand.

     My sisters and I grew up on Cheerios and fairytales. Our family owned 3 VHS tapes including Cinderella, Snow White, and the Jungle Book. The Jungle Book only joined the collection because my dad refused to watch "girly" movies with us, and Snow White was too scary for me until about the third grade. Before you judge me, consider that my hair is almost black, my skin is very pale, I love to sing, and am alergic to apples... Anyways, Cinderella became the crowd favorite by elimination. Needless to say, Prince Charming was a concept that I grew up with.

     Throughout elementary school I kind of forgot about fairytales. Life became busy and full of piano lessons, gymnastics, and homework. The only love that I ever thought about was God's love for me. My thoughts were really more like questions because I didn't understand the way He loved me; matter of fact, I still don't. However, I have learned more each day. Three things I have come to understand about Jesus: He loves me more than I could ever imagine, He has good plans for me, and He will never leave me.

     It is with those three things in mind that I live my life everyday and every Valentine's Day. Do I get impatient for the right guy to come along?  YES. However, I know that the Lord is good. I know that He has a plan for my life; whether or not it includes Prince Charming, I know that His plans are to prosper me and not to harm me. As for this trending #foreveralone, I have never had a proper date in my life, but I can say with confidence that I am never alone. Above all else, I do not need the approval or love of a man to feel complete. I am loved by the King, and while I fail Him daily, He has yet to fail me.

     Don't get me wrong, Prince Charming is welcome to show up at my doorstep. I am hoping that he is out there, and I pray that God would be with my future husband, whoever he may be. Until then, I can live my life knowing I am loved, knowing I have purpose, and knowing that I am never alone.

     To all the other singles out there who are experiencing the post-Valentine's Day low, be encouraged. One of my favorite quotes is, "Always beleive that something wonderful is about to happen." I think that is a pretty good way to live your life. When your expecting something it gives you a reason to dress up, smile more, and give it all you've got. There is so much more life ahead of us.

Eighteen

As yesterday was my eighteenth birthday, I am just realizing how blessed I am. There is no way that I could ever name them all. Here are eighteen things I am thankful for, one for each year of my life.

1. A God who loves me more than I will ever know.

2. Parents who have taught me to love the Lord and put up with me in my random moments.

3. Sisters who love me for who I am and will forever be my best friends.

4. My healthy body and the miraculous way it works.

5. Food and nurishment that fills my stomach daily.

6. Clean, heated water and the priveledge of a hot shower every morning.

7. A house that keeps me warm, dry, and safe.

8. Music and the voice God has given me with which to sing Him praise.

9. Smiles from friends and strangers that seem to say "you belong here."

10. A love of learning and the curiosity that comes with everyday of life.

11. Mistakes that keep me humble.

12. The Ocean and it's constant, ubundant beauty that is so consistant.

13. The sun-rise that ushers in the possiblites of each new day, filled with color.

14. Variety that provided interest and inspiration.

15. The stars and the hope they bring of day, even in the middle of the night.

16. The seasons that are each so different, yet all designed by God.

17. The way my father loves my mother and the hope that someday someone may love me that way.

18. Flowers and their simplistic beauty, faces always looking up.

Sloan & Themis

     I discovered this amazing little store in downtown Cape Girardeau. It's called Sloan and Themis. You have to look pretty hard for it. It's as quaint as the beads that have traveled over mountains and oceans to sit in a store front right next to the Mississippi.

     There are red ones, white ones, gold ones, blue ones, and just every color and combination you could think of. A sweet lady runs this store, and she helps you pick out your favorite beads and then shows you how to make them into whatever you like. I made a pair of blue earrings for homecoming the other weekend. It's so much fun!

     I first heard about it from a friend who was doing a newspaper article on it, and she asked me to go with her. Of course I didn't pass up the opportunity to make something fun!! I fell in love with this store, and I bet I've told 30 people about it since I first discovered it about 2 weeks ago. I have some beads saved, and I cannot wait to go back and make something else.

     One thing you have to know about me is that I think in parallels, or maybe God works in parallels... either way there is something cool going on here. I am a jr. high small group leader for the most amazing group of young women you'll ever meet. We decided that this week we would pray every night that God would let us hear His voice, and speak to us about our "assignment" each day (That's a PT-ism if you didn't catch it). I have been praying.

     This is what God has shown me this week: I have discovered something AMAZING in Christ. I have found forgiveness, grace, freedom, and truth. I have been redeemed, restored, and renovated. How awesome is this discovery I have been blessed with?! Sloan and Themis is wonderful, but it's nothing compared to this.

     Yet, I have told 30 people about Sloan and Themis in just 2 weeks. How many people have I told about Christ in all my years of knowing Him? This what Jesus is asking me. I'm not happy with my answer. He is asking me, "Do you really care about all of the people who don't know me, who don't know this secret?"

     I am praying that He will teach me what that looks like and provide the courage, tact, and circumstances for me to tell everyone and anyone about this discovery I have made. It will change your life.

Cool Things!

     This Wednesday I don't really have anything extra special to say, so I'm going give ya a list of 10 cool things in my life!! GET PUMPED!

1. Rain - It poured at the football game Friday. I mean it really really poured. We all got evacuated to the school gym because of lightning, but hey, our team won!! It was actually a lot of fun. I love football!!

 

2. Great Gatsby - I am taking AP Literature this year... I know not such a cool thing. Still, I had to choose a book report book, and I found the Great Gatsby. It's cool because It's short!

3. Auditions - If you know me very well at all, you know that I love to sing. Anddd I had auditions for my church's worship team last night!! WOOP WOOP! I'm not sure how they went... I'll hear later, but it was just sooo much fun to worship :)

4. Lionel - I'm getting a Betta Fish to protect me from scary things in the basement. He will be named Lionel. He is very cool.

5. Birthdays - Emily, my sister, is turning 16 tomorrow!! I'm planning to fill her room with balloons in the middle of the night. She's gonna love it!

6. Friends - Can I just say that I have found some pretty awesome girls at Central?! I am so excited to get to know them even better.

7. 423 - Okay, 423 is my church's Jr. High youth group, and this year I have the opportunity to be a small group leader! I am LOVING all of these kids and getting to know them, pray for them, and learn with them.

8. Homecoming - Yes, there is a homecoming approaching. No, I don't have a date. BUT I'm totally cool with it. (I wouldn't complain if I had one either.) I'm looking forward to dress shopping in St. Louis this Saturday!

9. Money - I got my first pay check!!!! (other than all of the ones I've gotten from Schaefer's) It's nice to not be broke. I can buy things like balloons for my sister's birthday surprise! SO FUN!

10. Compliments - My amazing choir teacher tried to get me to major in music today, and he also told me I sounded like Julie Andrews! Yeah... the Julie Andrews thing is a bit of a stretch, but it was still nice. haha

Overall, I have a life that is full to the brim with blessings. I am SO THANKFUL! God is good. Anddd that's a Word for Wednesday!!

Word For Wednesday: Faithful

     God is faithful.

     It hit me. He is faithful.

     I had a moment the other day. I was mad, and kind of throwing a fit just all to myself. I don't really understand God's plan for my life. I have no idea what's coming, and I don't even know how to get through tomorrow. I just got mad. God, why can't it be easy just for once?! You said you would never leave me or forsake me... where are you? Why am I here? What on earth are you up to because it looks like madness to me.

     That is not the first time I have prayed that prayer. As I thought back, I was surprised by how many times in my life I've been exactly where I am right now. Time and time again my life has brought  me to my knees pouring out all of my questions and frustration to God. My life has had it's share of hardships. It has not been easy. Nevertheless, God has been faithful to me in every one of those situations.

     Looking back it's easy to see.It's my first day of high school when my mom was in St. Louis having brain surgery, and I knew as I walked through the halls scared to death that I was not alone. It's praying as an 11 year old that God would send me, and at 17 having traveled to France, Africa, and Japan with Him on my lips every step of the way. It's a broken down, broken hearted, faded me asking Him, "Who am I?" and  that quiet whisper that says continually, "You are mine."

     God is faithful.

     Through everything, every trial, the endless days, the lonely moments, the victories, the smiles, the laughter, the songs... He has been here.

     I find myself still on my knees before the Lord, but my questions, fears, and anger seem so small. I realize that God is faithful. He has been, and He will be. I have no choice, no other option, than to trust that through today He will continue to be everything I need.

     How great is our God! I'm so glad He's always got my back!
    

Word for Wednesday: Hometown

This afternoon I drove downtown and to this coffee shop I pass every morning. It sits on the corner of the street parallel to the river; the front is lined with little white tables hiding from the sun. It took me an forever to park, but I was determined. When I got inside, something just felt kind of farmiliar... I liked it a lot. I bought a root beer and claimed the corner booth. I needed time to just process.

This week I started my senior year. I'm glad, really, to be back in Cape Girardeau. It's beautiful, the people are so thoughtful, and I love seeing friends who have known me sice I was born everywhere I go. It's not Japan or France or Swaziland, but it's my hometown. I am certainly not through processing what I experienced this past summer. I imagine that will take many more months. Every time I have left the United States I have come back as a different person with a different view of my small world. You would think that traveling would make a small town like Cape seem even smaller... I think it does the opposite.

Experiencing different cultures, being overwhelmed with a tradition that is not your own, seeing customs that confuse you... It makes you appreciate your own. I have eaten with chop-sticks, and that was cool. But man, I appreciate my fork!! I have things to learn from Cape Girardeau, things to love about Cape Girardeau. I'm grateful to be here, to be home.

As I continue to transition  I am praying that God would show Himself to me. When I am home I find myself looking in the mirror. People who know me show me things about myself that I didn't know. Some I like, and some I don't. As always, there is forever a song on my lips and this morning it was Gungor's Beautiful Things. I am so thankful that God is making something out of me.

There are days it is just so good to know that even now I am being made into something beautiful by a God who loves me more than I can imagine. When it gets discouraging and lonely and my attitude is shot, I pray for the strength to trust that what God has for me is more than enough.

A Miracle Somewhere

     It's 7:00 pm here and barely 5:00 am back home. I'm in the corner of the cafeteria plugged into the only internet available typing away while Rascal Flatts is playing on my phone. I can't help think, "One more week." In 5 days I will be on a plane back to America, and, I must admit, it will be bitter sweet to leave Okinawa! There are some many great memories that I will have of bentos and curry, of green tea and bean/rice candy, of doughnuts and cool cars... I think my favorite day of all my time in Japan may have been yesterday, Sunday.

     When Em and I gave the Heart for Africa presentation to some of my classmates, one of them invited us to his church, his Christian church. I was very surprised, and very excited to get a chance to meet some brothers and sisters here in Okinawa!! On Sunday, after a "fake" taxi ride and a long walk, we made it to this amazing church. Thank God that I have met some amazing people who keep me from getting lost!!

     When we walked in and saw the drums on the stage, I felt like a kid who just spotted the ice-cream truck. I absolutely LOVE to worship and sing and just kind of loose my self in the Lord... Sunday, I had the opportunity to do exactly that. The songs were in Japanese of course, but there was a translater that would brief you on what the lyrics meant. I don't have the words to describe how good it felt to stand and sing and worship with everyone. I was trying to sing the Japanese words (hahah! Soooo bad!) but mainly I was just thanking God for how faithful He has been to me in my life: today, yesterday, and tomorrow.

     The sermon was great. The baptisms afterwards were beautiful. These people pray. They pray with urgency, all at the same time, interupting each other, in the name of Jesus. They pray for their island that God would show mercy on their people. It's so encouraging to me, soooo encouraging!! At the end of the sermon everyone gave a round of applause... I just can't explain it.

     We gave our presentation to the pastor and a small group of students afterwards, and some friends translated for us. I continue to be impressed by the compassion that I find in the faces of these people when they hear of Swaziland and the need in that country. We prayed together at the end, and I truly expect some miracle happened somewhere because of those prayers. The Lord is working in Okinawa.

     I am so humbled by how big He is. I feel as if I might burst because of the joy and strength I feel welling up within me. My God is bigger than distance, bigger than language, bigger than culture, bigger than I realized. I continue to be amazed by how much I have to learn about this King I serve. He loves me more than I deserve and He knows exactly what I need. He has never left me, not once. It may be difficult sometimes, but it's really not so difficult when I remember that He is on my side. I may be weak, but His Spirit is strong in me.